current issue number (1) : November 2002 (give or take a month)

Pope Revises Catholic Bible to include Ten Commandments Waiver

The Vatican recently announced a revised version of the Ten Commandments to be included in the Catholic Bible, the fundamental religious doctrine of millions of Catholics worldwide. "In light of continued legal scrutiny, the Vatican under the direction of the holy Pontiff Pope John Paul the Third, has included a legal waiver form as a supplement to the Ten Commandments verses, given to the prophet Moses as the "word of god" announced Vatican spokesperson Bishop Bernard O'Riley. According to O'Riley the church laity will now be asked to "sign and initial the twelve page legal waiver form absolving church officials of personal or legal accountability in reference to the aforementioned word of god."

The Vatican made the announcement in the midst of a growing concern amongst church hierarchy at the mounting costs of settlements to victims of sexual abuse. Vatican Lawyer Bruce Medina explained the changes in a recent interview on Larry King. "Sure, the Ten Commandments have served their place as the moral foundation for Judea Christian ideology for thousands of years, but the need for an effective legal defense against allegations some parishioners might find the church's stance misleading" Medina continued, "We need the public to understand that the stringent moral standards put forth in the bible are great if you're a soccer mom or a southern retiree, but a multinational organization, with a mandate from the creator of the universe should be above this type of scrutiny."