current issue number (3) : January 2003 (give or take a month)

Environmental Groups Protest Mike's Zine!

Unknown to most readers, Mike's Zine is constructed completely of fur. Half a dozen baby seals were brutally clubbed to death to create just the home page. The baby seals are clubbed by Cathy Lee Gifford and then shipped to dozen third world sweatshops where exploited children construct the actual site from the rotting carcasses of the seals.

As if their lives are not hard enough, the children are beaten repeatedly if the home page does not load fast enough or if the HTML links are broken. When these unfortunate kids are not scraping a seal pelt for a new banner ad they are forced to write the satirical articles. Yes satire, the most dangerous and demeaning work known to the western world. Slave labor satire writing has been rumored for many years but only now is the truth being told for the first time.

Mike kidnapped Hanji, an eight-year-old, a few years ago. His hands are blistered from hours of writing bad satire. He suffers from excruciating carpal tunnel and dreams of a better life working for a real publication. “I pray for death every day. I say, ‘please God not one more issue of The Rapid City Anarchist.’ Anything would be better than this. I’d even write for Seventeen Magazine or USA Today. What type of evil man is this, this Mike?”

The desperate struggle of these precious children should not be overlooked. Now you can help. Mike is setting up the Save the Children from Satire fund. Just use pay pal to donate and you too will be able to adopt an exploited Satirist.

___________

Cease and Assist letter from Save the Children Foundation

Mr. Mike ______,

The concepts and all related concepts related to or pertaining to saving children has been copyrighted and are the wholly owned intellectual property of the Save the Children Foundation. You are welcome to encourage children, help children, or aid children but any actual or perceived attempt to save children will be viewed as an infringement on our intellectual property and could result in further legal action.

Stephen J. Archer
Attorney at Law.